The Bumper Weekend Preview
Almeria (14th) v Sevilla (10th)
Enjoying your trips to the Sánchez Pizjuán? Well, enjoy them while they last, as soon you will be eating your bird food in the Sánchez Pizjuán Burger King Arena. Or something. Club president, del Nido, has taken note of the 100 million quid Arsenal got for whoring their stadium name to an airline company and decided that he fancies a bit of the loot, too. But in order not to mess with tradition, the Sánchez Pizjuán title will remain - but with a sponsor's name jammed onto the end. Away win.
Real Madrid (1st) v Racing Santander (7th)
We learned a lot about Bernd Schuster, this week. He is apparently Germany's answer to Tim Westwood, by confessing to liking hip-hop before everyone else in Europe. La Liga Loca will test this claim one day by asking if he has Eric B and Rakim's seminal work 'Paid in Full' in his collection. If not, he is one dope mutha.
The German also drives a Hummer, "I like big cars," and he hates losing - something his team have been doing a lot of recently. "It is the worst day of my life when we do."
"We made it easy for them," thundered Bernd after their latest defeat, this time against Werder Bremen. "Especially Marcelo. T*sser," he failed to add.
A big thank you to 'man of the people', Ramon Calderón, who saw that his poorly, inexpensively-assembled squad were all tiredy wiredy and asked the league to move Saturday's Racing match to Sunday thus screwing his own fans, the 1,200 visiting supporters and the opposition. Luckily the league told him to go spin on it. Draw.
Espanyol (4th) v Barcelona (3rd)
With both Eto'o and Henry crocked, Barcelona's attack is reduced to man who cannot be arsed - Ronaldinho, a youngster on a YTS scheme - Bojan and a player needing a step ladder whenever he wants to buy porn - Messi.
Should any more of their players get injured against Espanyol, then they will get very little sympathy from the home side, who have warned that they will not be booting the ball out, should an opposition player collapse dramatically to the ground. Yes, you Giovani.
This is the away game where we are going to see the 'going out from the beginning to win' Barcelona, according to Xavi. The words 'see' 'to' 'believe' spring to mind. Draw.
Valladolid (15th) v Villarreal (2nd)
A player that La Liga Loca could have told Valladolid was rubbish has been on the receiving end of some criticism, this week. The man in question is Ludicrous Butelle - a one man French farce. The gaffe-ridden goalie has seen 26 goals whizz past his head, this season, only one less than Levante.
But he still has the backing of his teammates - at least one of them, anyway. "I hope he is supported from beginning to the end," declared Victor, a striker currently working his booty off to cover up his colleague's blunders. Away win.
Getafe (11th) v Levante (20th)
UEFA cup losers - "I can't take anything positive from that game" (Michael Laudrup) v's 'in form' Levante. 'In form' you may scoff? Indeed. Three wins from four is the current Levante record. All be it one win against Betis and two against Almeria. Home win.
Recreativo (18th) v Zaragoza (9th)
If you are on the hunt for a man filled with the Corinthian values of sportsmanship, fair play and jolly hockey sticks, then you wouldn't normally knock at the door of Zaragoza midfielder, Andrés d'Alessandro.
Getafe's el Pato found that out to his cost, last weekend, when the Argentinean took advantage of the keeper having a chat with the man in the middle to plop a free kick into an empty net.
"The referee blew his whistle and I shot. It's easier when the goalkeeper isn't there," shrugged the 14 year old hotshot.
Deportivo (16th) v Osasuna (17th)
Due to the fall out from the whole Enron business, there are a lot of out of work accountants knocking around the globe at the moment. They should head to La Coruña, as club president, Lendoiro is looking for an auditor to sign off his books as his last one refused to do so. Alternatively, he may want to bring in the one who works at Betis.
AS reports that a previous auditor took the club to court when they allegedly forged his signature. La Liga Loca was unaware that was illegal, in Spain. Home win.
Mallorca (9th) v Murcia (13th)
Aside from Pablo Garcia still being injured and Mallorca considering signing Greg Manzano till 2009, bugger all happened at these two clubs, this week. They should be ashamed of themselves. Home win.
Betis (19th) v Atletico Madrid (5th)
Ever wondered what it is like to defend against Atletico's titanic trio of Forlan, Kun and Maxi? La Liga Loca found out on Thursday when probing Aberdeen defender and all round top fella, Richie Byrne, after their UEFA cup match.
"It's their movement, it's amazing. They really are sharp. They wait and wait and then they're gone. You can see them and you know what they are going to do," said the Irish full back.
And if he could only choose one for his team? After some contemplation the answer was Maxi, "He's classy, he's good on the ball. He's very clever. He can pass and he can score. He has the lot." "Motta was excellent," he added.
A special mention to AS writer, Vicente Carreño. "Aberdeen are a small team. They are primitive," he wrote on Friday. A-Hole. 'Tis true that they may not be able to blow 70 million euros on players, every summer, but at least they don't pay annual tribute to Jesus Gil, one of the most unpleasant men to have ever waddled on this earth.
Valencia (lowly 6th) v Athletic (12th)
Since sacking Quique, Valencia have dropped down the league, blown their European chances and have seen their crowd numbers plummet. How d'ya like them apples, Soler? Away win.
Worth Watching - If you like your Spanish footie, then a show on Real Madrid tv, repeated on Saturday is worth catching - called 'the Match'. Like a Spanish Footie Focus, but better. On every week.
All blog content copyright of La Liga Loca, 2007